Tuesday, October 29, 2013

31 Days to a Fruitful Marriage Day Twenty Five: Discussing Your Problems and Discerning Feedback From Others

If there is one thing that can speed-up the end of a marriage, it's endless discussion of your problems with others and taking the wrong advice.
One thing you should never (and I am using the word "never") do is gripe about your spouse publically, berate them, make fun of them, be condescending about them, or belittle them on any public forum, including Facebook, church, or in social circles. You are supposed to be a team, not one against the other, and in this instance, do unto your spouse as you would have them do unto you. First of all, it makes other people really uncomfortable because they don't really know what to say. Secondly, there are few ways to come back from that in a marriage.
If you are frustrated in your marriage and don't really know what to do about it, there are many ways to get help. Have you talked about it with your spouse and vocalized your concerns in a non-confrontational way? If so, and you can't seem to solve the problem, a professional counselor or pastor could certainly help. If you are going to turn to friends for help, you must really keep in mind who you are asking advice from. Are these people from broken marriages, too? Are they giving you non-Biblical advice, such as acting in retaliation for wrongs or to commit infidelity? Are they telling you not to "back down?" Are they trying to convince you to treat your spouse in ways you wouldn't feel comfortable with your spouse treating you?
If so, you probably need to stop talking with them about your marriage. God can't work in an environment like that and you are not doing anything for yourself or your marriage except venting and focusing on the negative to other people. I really think before talking about problems in your marriage to friends or family, you have to remember that when this "problem" blows over, they will still remember what you've said. When you two are in a better place, it could make it really hard for your friends and family to continue to accept your spouse. Don't lie about your marriage and hide the truth, but discuss it with a trained person who can really help get you through the tough times and keep your problems confidential.

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