I have been sitting here rocking my sweet baby for about an hour now. I normally will hold her a little before she goes to bed but very rarely does she fall asleep completely before I put her down. Today we started Avery on formula. I am still breastfeeding, but I am supplementing with formulac if needed. I have been going back and forth about this since I have gone back to work. I am still pumping, though. I felt guilty for a while about using formula, almost like I was taking something away from her or something. I love that little girl so much. So much, that I feel guilty about giving her even the smallest amount of formula. Being a mom is harder than I thought ,in some ways. I honestly have the worlds easiest baby, so the day to day is not hard (yet) but the choices you have to make, day in and day out, are hard. Or deciding its best to stay at a job you dont like so much because the schedule is best for the kids. Or having to give up your own dreams and wants sometimes for the good of the baby. All of those things aside, none of it really matters that much because the love I have for her trumps anything else.
I got teary eyed today because of how much God has blessed me these past few years. I havent done a thing to deserve it, and yet, here I am. An incredibly lucky wife of an amazing husband and the proud momma to three beautiful kiddos. It didnt have to be this way with my life, but for some reason, it did. We might not always have money or stuff that we want, but our kids are healthy and we have an amazing marriage, which is more than alot of people can say.
I guess I just felt moved to say that. Avery is asleep in my arms, the kids and Jason and I are enjoying a great family night at home, and we have full bellies, beds to sleep in, and each other. You really cant ask for anything more.
9 hours ago