Monday, December 28, 2009


Do you ever sometimes feel like everything and every choice you do is wrong? I felt like that this past week. As a step-mom, it's hard to know your boundaries. It's hard to know what choice you will make that will be the one that might separate you from the kids. If you correct their behavior, is this the time you will cross the line with them and they will start not liking you? Do they feel like you are taking their dad away or making him less fun? I think Jason and the kids had a different dynamic before I came along. He was very fun and allowed them to do daring things. I think that's all men. They don't see sometimes the danger in what they allow kids to do, and as women, we do. For example, we took the kids on a walk to the parking lot of the school across the street (which was empty) so Jordan could practice on his new scooter and Sophia was walking her new baby in her new stroller. Well, earlier that day, he took the kids out by themselves and allowed them to "iceskate" on a large patch of ice. They get out with me, and I see them running across the ice, Sophia with her stroller and Jordan with his scooter and it scared the bejesus out of me. All I could see is one of them busting it on the concrete, flying face first into the ice and knocking their teeth out or breaking a wrist. But Jason didn't see that, he just knew they were having fun. I think God intended life to be this way, one parent as the fun dare devil who allows the kids to do daring things and one who stops it. You can't have too much of one side or the other. But when I said stop because it made me nervous, I could tell the kids were like, "We got to do it earlier! My dad let us do it." But sometimes, when I see the kids do things like that, I also see their mom when we have to have her meet us at the ER and explain that they kids are there because we let them play on ice. I know kids will be kids and sometimes they just need to get hurt, but I think that's an adjustment I am learning to make.

Anyway, life is full of times you feel like you are not making good choices. I wish I could learn to deal with that better!

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Our Christmas Week

Know what I've decided? I am NOT going to do any more ongoing blogs, like the 12 days of Christmas. It was such a great idea, but I forget to do it, then I look back today and where I should have 11 I only have 4. I am just not good about this blogging thing yet.

This week has been an interesting experience. I got to experience a little of what it's like to be a stay at home mom. We have the kids this week and I took the week off to hang out with them. I certainly have a new understanding for what it's like! There is a part of me that likes not having the responsibility of a job. However, being at home with children all day is a totally different challenge. First of all, it's hard labor. You do the cleaning, the laundry, vacuuming, etc. You are constantly picking things up, making food, playing with kids. I think I would probably lose about 20 pounds if I did it all the time, because there were a couple of meals I completely forgot to eat. I have been thinking about what it will be like when Jason and I have a baby. Will I stay at home? Or will I just have to go back to work? I really like my job, but then again, I don't know that I could stay gone from my child that long. Anyway, to all you stay at home moms, my hat is off to you and what you do every day!

We also had our engagement pictures, which are attached below. We have the best photographer ever, and that's no lie. She is absolutely amazing and I am so lucky my sister hooked us up with her. We told her when we met for our initial appointment what we wanted. I have been to enough weddings that I knew what I didn't want. For one, I don't want cheesy, unnatural posed pictures at all. I want pictures taken of random moments, but also pictures of us laughing and talking. Of course, you have to have some posed pictures, but Allison knows just how to take the picture where it doesn't look fake. There isn't any of this "now tilt your head so slightly left" and stuff. Here are just a few of the pictures she has already editted and posted (that's right, she had these done the next day!). The other thing I asked is that we don't spend an hour between the ceremony and the reception taking pictures. Let's take it fast and move on. She is totally in tune with what we want and I am so excited to have found her!

Christmas is certainly better with kids. It adds to the excitment of everything! We have the kids every other year for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, so this year, we went to my parents house to celebrate. We rounded up both dogs, and all 4 of us. Needless to say, it was an experience. Jordan and Sophia got some great gifts, exactly what they wanted, and we had such a great time with them this year.

Merry Christmas to all of my wonderful friends and family. I love each and every one of you, and wish you blessing this Christmas. And remember, Jesus is the Reason for the Season.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

My Beautiful New Family

Last year, actually on New Year's Eve, I called my dad sobbing because of how sad I was that was spending another holiday alone. I told him I was lonely and upset that I might never find anyone. I told him I felt hopeless of ever finding love. Isn't it funny how life works out? God knows our paths and knew, in that moment of hopelessness, I would find Jason 3 months later. Not only that, He knew I would also have two beautiful children I would have the honor to help raise. What a blessing that was! My relationship was completely unexpected. Had I only known Jason was coming, I don't know that I would have acted such the fool only 3 months before. It reminds me in life of all the time we jump to conclusions, or think things are so bad or will never get better, and suddenly, we look up and they are. I am so glad to have Jason, Jorden and Sophia in my life. I am glad for my new extended family, Robert, Shari, Scotty, Faith, Isom, Robert, Kadin, and Jax. I am also blessed by my Dad, Mom, Brooke, Leslie and Dave. And of course, by my sweet puppies Bella and Molly. I have some many people to be joyous about. Thank you God, for the blessing of family.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Beauty of A Strong Mind and Spirit

There are so many opportunities we have to allow negative thinking and doubt to enter our minds and take over completely. I know I am guilty of it and have had it happen more times than I care to remember. Thankfully, God has given me a great gift of a strong mind and spirit to battle my daily demons and overcome them. Whatever those demons may be...
"I don't like the way I look."
"I am not good enough for love."
"I don't deserve happiness."
"We don't have enough money."
God has given you the ability to overcome anything that is set in your path and do it with strength. "I can do anything through Him who gives me strength." Phillipians 4:13. Those are such comforting words! I can do ANYTHING! All you have to do is pray and be positive. God never gives us more than we can handle. In times of stress or need, I know that my Lord will never give me more than can handle, and I can call upon Him to help me through.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

My God, You Are My God

It's December 13th, that means 12 days to Christmas! I told myself I would blog about that this year. So, this week has been a hard one for me. I have been feeling very stressed, depressed, and my self-esteem hasn't been so great. I look in the mirror and don't like what I see, and it's not necessarily the weight. It's how I have kept myself up. My priorities have been a little skewed over the last few months, Jason and I both know that, and it has really done a number on me this week. There is one main component that's been missing from my life: God. I haven't been spending time with Him, in His word. It's funny how, over time, if you do not find time for God, your view of yourself goes right out the window and things in your life start to unravel. I am missing His presence, and I think that is what all of this is about. Therefore, on the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me...

God and His Word. "Open the eyes of my heard, Lord. Open the eyes of my heart, I want to see You. I want to see You."

In this time of blessings of my life, there is no time or reason for depression. There are so many other things of importance that others are battling through, my problems are not nearly enough to cause such anguish. But they are my feelings, and the only One who can help me work through them is Jesus.

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18

I pray that God will work in my heart and help me to feel the blessings of His love.