Friday, July 10, 2009

Me and the kiddos

There has been something I have come to grips with over the last couple of years. I am not getting any younger, and while I am not old by any means, I have come to an age where finding a man who has never been married with no kids is harder and harder to do. I didn't really know how I would really feel about that until Jason started talking about his kids. When we started dating, I knew he was a dad, but it never really seemed real until the night I met them. It took us a little while before I was ready to go meet Jordan and Sophia. I think he wanted to make sure I was going to be ok with it before he introduced us. It is a tricky situation, and I am sure as a single parent, it is an interesting tight rope to walk. What if I introduce everyone and this person decides it is not what they want? Well, one Thursday, Jason decided it was time and asked me if I wanted to come over and hang out. I had begun to feel like I was missing out, every time he had the kids I didn't get to be a part, and I was ready to meet them. I had heard so much about them, I was ready to meet these children he bragged about all the time!

The first night I met them, I just couldn't get over how cute they were! They were so polite and loving with Jason, I was really impressed with the dynamic. But what really got me was seeing him as a dad. Up until that point, it wasn't real. When I heard them call him "dad" and saw him playing with them, it was a side of him I hadn't seen yet, and it was a little overwhelming but really cool at the same time. Things that night went really well and I couldn't wait to hang out with them again. As more time passed, I just couldn't imagine Jason and I's relationship without them as a part if it. They love Jason so much, he loves them so much, and they have been so accepting of me into their lives. It's funny sometimes when I think about it. About 6 months ago, I was praying for a man and a family and 2 months later, I got two dogs, a boyfriend, and his two kiddos. My life has changed 180 degrees and wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

And then two people fell in love.....

As many of you might know, something really neat happened in my life about 4 months ago. I was reunited with an old friend, Jason Whitehead. Jason and I knew each other back in our younger days in the IBC youth group and had a "thing" for each other (then didn't, then did, then didn't, then did) for years. He was my very first boyfriend and was the first guy I ever held hands with! When we were younger, I had an issue with being in a relationship and even though Jason cared for me and wanted to be with me, he tells me now he knew I had "committment issues" (as many as I could have at the ripe old age of 13) and knew I wouldn't be someone that would be a good relationship person. So, as time went on, he and I stopped being really close friends. He went to Evangel Temple, me to South, and then onto graduation and beyond. After high school, we lost touch and only saw each other once every few years and random church reunions and an occasional visit to Texas Roadhouse. It just seemed as though our fate was to be friends, friends we saw very infrequently, and nothing more.

About a year ago, through myspace, we reunited and had a very interesting phone conversation. I knew he was no longer married and we talked about life and how we've grown up, things we've learned, his kiddos, and many other topics. I was still semi-involved with someone at the time, not enough to be in a relationship, but enough that I wasn't ready to start anything with anyone, and despite what Jason might have wished had happened, I "blew him off" (as he likes to call it). In the year that passed between when we talked and this spring, alot happened in my life and I had some revelations about what I wanted, what I needed, how I wanted a relationship to be, and what I wanted out of life. Jason also went through some very hard life lessons and gained some knowledge about what he wanted out of life. Then, in April, and through Facebook (thank you again, social networking) Jason and I were again, reunited, only this time felt much, much different. It began innocently enough, we just started emailing back and forth, then we started texting, then we started calling. For about a week, we were just getting to know each other, and after several hours spent on the phone we both had a feeling that this might be something more than a simple flirtation. We decided that we wanted to meet and grab a drink or something. The more days that passed until our meeting day the more nervous we became. Would we still be attracted to each other? Would there be chemistry? Is he/she a good kisser? As excitement was building, we were both hopeful things would work out as well face to face as through the phone.

We decided to get together on a Sunday and to get the first kiss out of the way first thing. ( We only held hands in the teenage years, remember!) So, he came to pick me up, he walked around the car and I met him outside. He was even cuter than I remembered. As butterflies were fluttering in my stomach, without saying a word, he kissed me. Sparks. I think we both knew this was going to lead to good things right then and there, and as the date went on, the more we talked we began to realize why God has not allowed us to be together sooner: things happened in His timing, not ours. The more we shared stories, the more we realized that neither of us could have been in a relationship with each other before this very moment, we simply weren't ready for what God was ready to do in our lives and with each other. I know for me, I wasn't ready for a family or to settle down, I had some stuff I had to work through before I could be good for anyone else. But the bottom line was the at this point in our life, we were wise enough to look back on past mistakes and could look forward with the hope of learning from those mistakes and starting over.

Things with Jason and I progressed very quickly and before I knew it, he had said he loved me and I knew I had loved him too. The love we feel for each other is different then any other love I had known. It seemed bigger than me, an understanding love, a patient love, a love with adoration and appreciation, a love with respect. I had never known that type of love outside of the love for my family. It's a very secure type of love, one where I know Jason feels the same way and we can share those feelings together. I thank God everyday for the blessings in my life, especially Jason because he has started a huge change for me, a change for the better, and I look forward to spending so much more time with him, and sharing so many other life events and milestones with him in our future together.

So, now you know how Jason and I came together and a little about the way we feel for each other. Stay tuned for other stories!!