Thursday, May 23, 2013

Are You Confident In Your Choices In Motherhood?

Today, Kelly's Korner is doing a link up on "Being Confident in Your Choices in Motherhood." I thought I would add to the conversation.
As much as I hate to admit it, I am both a mom and a stepmom. No matter how much I'd love for it to be different, it's just not. I hardly ever have guilt about Avery or feel wishy washy on the things I want and ask from her. But I feel guilt, constantly, about my stepkids. I have a hard time being a stepmom sometimes. A REAL hard time. In fact, it's probably the thing I struggle with most in my life. What's hard about it is that I don't ask different things of them then I ask of Avery. The difference is that Avery hears my expectation from her, day in and day out, since she was born. My stepkids have two homes with two seperate influences, so I get frustrated at times with behavior and words that are used that are OK at their moms but not OK here. And I know they get frustrated as well. Things are different there than they are here. I know that's upsetting for a kid to deal with. I have no idea what it would be like for them, having not been a kid of divorce, but I am sure it's difficult.

I am constantly asking myself if I am doing the right thing with them. I am constantly second guessing myself. I am constantly asking myself if my expectations of them should be the same as Avery or if they should be different. I wish I knew better how to navigate this road as a stepmom, but I do my best and hope for the best.

I am very confident in the choices I have made and make for Avery. I try not to take all of her milestons and "should be's" too seriously. (Should be potty training, should be sleeping in a big girl bed.) Both Jason and I have a very clear idea of how we want her to be raised and how we want her to grow up and the type of person she should become (in relation to how she treats others, loves Jesus, etc.) I also don't mind if Avery doesn't like me at a moment when I am getting on to her, I know she will get over it, that I am her mom and always will be. I worry alot about my stepkids not liking me or looking back on their childhood with us with resentment and anger. I really struggle with the line between being an authorative figure in their life and them living in our house and abiding by the expectations of our family and being the stepmom they want to come around when they get older, who they can talk to. I want them to know, as adults, that even though I didn't always do everything right, I still love them very much and want to be there for them, always. It's hard to explain that to an 8 year old and 11 year old, whether they are your bio-kids or not.

Do you have stepkids? Do you struggle with these as well?

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