Another Baby?

NO, I am not pregnant. Just putting that out there.

 

I've been giving alot of thought to it lately, though. I know my parents are reading this, thinking I am nuts for even writing those words or considering another one, but I can't help it.

 

It's weird when you have two kids that are yours but aren't yours, but you still have to pay for them and take care of them and they are still your "kids" but you didn't give birth to them. We have three, but most of the time, we just have one. And she's my one and only. Jason has three but I really only have had one. I have those inclinations, like most peoeple do after having one, to have more because I love Avery and she's so much fun. Sometimes, it's not always fair to me, in that regard. Jason and I didn't even know if we wanted one at all, before Avery. Then we had her and she's such a joy. I didn't want anymore, not until recently.

 

There's so much that goes into it. Do we have a fourth? Four is alot of kids. But it's only two for me, really. And you see, Avery has siblings she only gets to see and grow up with sometimes. And they didn't share her history. They have a different mommy and have had a different upbringing, so how much will they be able to remember, as adults, of memories they have together as kids? I wish Avery had a sibling, closer to her age, that had her same upbringing, that she could go to school with and be friends with every day. But, she doesn't. And when they become adults, Jordan and Sophia have different families that they will want to spend holidays with, not always us. And on those days, we will only have one child to see and she won't have any other siblings to share those days with.

 

On the other hand, the more immediate concern would be: 2 kids in full time daycare, which would be really pricey. Two kids would have to share a room (I mean, the rooms are massive, but still). We would have another kid that needed a car and clothes and food and college help. And do I really want to go through the baby stage again, of being up all night and having no life whatsoever and breastfeeding and another kid to potty train? It's a hard thing to commit to.

 

And we got lucky in the kid-arena once, what if the next one is hard? Or something happens while I am pregnant? There are so many concerns I have, and I think "You have one, one great one, with no issues (healthwise) and who has been pretty easy, for the most part, do you really want to roll the dice again?"

 

I have so many concerns but mostly, I just think how fun it would be to have one more. Hard decisions!