Tuesday, November 6, 2012

WOHM vs. SAHM

I recently read a BabyCenter article Entitled "4 Truths about working and staying at home moms." I think it's pretty interesting to get into the argument of which is better? Which is worse? Are you a worse mom because you are not at home all day? Are you a better mom because you are?
 
I know several of each type of mom. A close friend of mine stayed at home for many years and has only recently gone back to work full time. Another friend of mine works full time and has a nanny at her house. Yet another friend is a full time stay at home mom and has no desire to go back to work. My sister currently works part time and stays at home the rest. What is best?
 
There isn't a best. There really isn't. I do think that whatever situation we are all in, there is always a tendency or a time when "the grass will be greener on the other side." Maybe it isn't that way for you and your situation, but for me, I find myself struggling on occasion with wishing I was home all day with Avery. I quickly realize that I don't want to be at home all day, every day, with her. I want to have a full day off with her every once in a while. Like, a little mini-mom-and-daughter vacation where we can run fun errands and go to the zoo. I do find myself being jealous of moms who have mom play dates, as I have never in my life had one of those. Well, if we are really being honest, I find myself being jealous of rich people who are able to stay at home all day, who don't have to worry about money as a factor, who still get to do anything and everything they want, and go on vacations all the time. As of now, I do not know any of those types of people. ;-) If that describes you, and you are looking for a family to enjoy that lifestyle with, we are available! Ha ha.

I think when it comes to a mom who works full time outside of the home, on the rare occasion I get to spend time on a weekday with my non-sick child at home, which almost never happens, I find myself wanting to have more days like that. I find myself feeling envious of those moms who get to do that every day. Then, I realize, that is absolutely NOT what they get to do every day. They don't get a day of resting, to run fun errands (to me, it seems great to have a whole morning devoted to grocery shopping on a weekday instead of rushing around, busily trying to take care of that stuff on the weekends). But that is because I am looking at it from outside of my normal eyes. Having a day off from work, one WHOLE extra day a week, to clean the house, do the laundry and grocery shop? I would LOVE it! Having multiple days in a row to just do housework and take care of kids? I don't think I could do it. I absolutely put on a pedastool a woman who can, cause I just don't think I was born that way.

If that was all I did, every day, I know that I would think of it totally differently. Sure, if I was a mom working inside of the home, I would never have to worry about who would watch my child when they were sick, or missing work to go to a doctor or dentist appointment. I would never have to decide how to spend my only two hours with my daughter a day. (Should I exercise, do the laundry, or just sit and relax with Avery?) I would be able to take my daughter to see Jason's parents more often, take her to the zoo, and go on playdates. Being a stay at home mom, for as much as people say is work all day every day, has alot of benefits, for sure. But, I know that for me, that just wouldn't work out so well.

I love that my husband have the exact same amount of hours we work and that the housework is split 50/50 (most of the time, at least.) I love that it's both our responsiblities to make dinner and do the laundry. I am a terrible housekeeper, not because I don't do it well, but because I HATE IT. I love that I have a person who is skilled and trained at taking care of children like my babysitter because there are so many things I just don't know as a mother. I love that right now, I am going through the potty training phase with not just our family, but someone who potty trains kids often and has done if for years. I don't usually get offended by things people say about moms who work outside the home, but one thing I hate is when moms who work inside the homes say, "I don't want someone else raising my kid. They are my kid and my responsibility." That to me, is the worst statement. Thank goodness for Jenn. The more advice and help I can get with being a mother, the better off I will be!

I think the other statement I hate the worst is when stay at home moms are referred to as full time moms, as if I am not a mother from 8 - 5, Monday through Friday. I still have to find time to schedule doctor appointments during my day. I still worry about Avery just as much during the day as when I am home. I still wish every minute that I could see her more. I think we are all just in it, trying to survive and do the best we can.

I think the biggest misconceptions people have about mothers who work outside of the home is that they don't love their child enough to be at home with them. This is simply not true! I think the biggest misconception of mothers who work inside the home is that their lives are like a constant vacation. I KNOW that's not true! Maybe we could all just set up a system where we traded our lives with someone else for a day to see where the other is coming from. Oh wait, I think they might have a reality show like that already?

 
 
 
 
 

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