As I think of this year winding to a close and starting fresh in a few weeks, I always think of resolutions, what I would change, and how I would live my life a little differently to make me a better version of myself. I've given alot of thought in the last two years (since my daughter has been born) about my appearance. I've written several posts, promising to lose weight (which hasn't happened as of yet). Mostly, I just feel like a mess. I have never really been one of those people who ALWAYS looks madeup and ready to go out, not all the time, anyway. Even as a kid, I just didn't care about it all that much. As adults, when my sisters would take showers on Christmas morning and get dressed, to look good for family and family pictures, I was still in my PJs at 2 pm, probably drinking a glass of wine and watching TV. (And not helping clean up from lunch). I just looked like what I looked like and wore what I wore. I am not saying I never looked nice, because I did. I just didn't look good all the time. You know you have a friend or friends like that, that always somehow look cute, with messy hair that was done that way on purpose yet still somehow looked "put together" and always had great shoes and their face looked beautiful.
Well, that's never been me. And while it's never bothered me too much earlier in my life, it has bothered me alot since I've had Avery. First of all, I was always a thin person, even up until I met Jason. Clothes look cuter on a thin person, so even if you aren't wearing the cutest outfit, it still looks better on you. I always tanned so I hardly needed makeup too much. My hair was usually always done on a regular basis, money permitting. I never stuffed my face at parties.
Now, I just feel like I have completely and totally "let myself go." I wait too long to buy new clothes, to the point that I have to purchase everything at once, instead of buying a new thing or two with every paycheck. My hair looks pretty bad by the time I go get it done. I eat constantly, I am jiggly, but more so than anything, I am just lazy when it comes to activity. My hair is never fixed and it looks the same, every single day. I wear makeup 2 out of the five days a week, I bet? I guess my point is, it's very rare these days that I feel really good, that I feel like I look really pretty, when I step outside of my house. Even in my house, in my lounging around clothes, which are usually Jason's pj bottoms and one of his old t-shirts. Can I not even spend money on a good set of comfortable clothes?
I feel like alot of this has to do with two things. 1) I am cheap when it comes to spending money on myself. While this is good, it's also bad. You shouldn't be so cheap with the things you wear that it makes you look like a vagabond. 2) I am lazy. I could tan and workout and look good, if I actually put time and effort into it.
I just think I've reached my breaking point of being the one around my friends who looks like she is too lazy to ever put herself together. I am starting to care more if I am actually wearing stuff that is "trendy." I want to be thin again and be someone who thinks eating right and exercise are the "cool things to do." I just don't want to look like a "mom" just yet. Do you remember this SNL skit?
Yeah, that's how I feel.
I am going to start paying more attention to myself this year. I am going to put more effort into making myself look halfway decent when leaving the house. Do you feel this way sometimes too?