So, I can't help but notice how many people around me are pregnant. Most of them with their second or third babies.
There is a tinge of jealousy that hits me, like I should want to also be pregnant. I miss being pregnant, sometimes. The anticipation of a new person, the "first times" of a baby, how little they are and how they need you so much, all the time.
I have people ask me all the time, "Don't you want another one?" Even though I have two step kids and a one biological one, which makes three, people still want to know if Jason and I will have more.
It's hard NOT to want another one, considering how wonderful our life is now. Avery is like, the perfect child. She was a great baby. I had a wonderful pregnancy and delivery. Jason is a great father and a wonderful supporter of me. So, it's hard for me to NOT want another one sometimes.
But when it boils down to actually thinking about it, I just can't get past doing it all over again. The truth is that Jason and I didn't even know if we wanted kids when we first got married. We had Jordan and Soph and we still had our own life together. We still had some freedom and we had so many aspirations to travel and do these crazy things.
It's a good thing God knows my heart better than I do, because I couldn't imagine my life without Avery in it. She was a wonderful, incredible, unimaginable surprise that I am so grateful for everyday.
But I don't know that Jason and I could add a fourth into the mix. We are looking for 4 bedroom houses now, I couldn't imagine where we would put another one. We pay $660 a month for daycare, I couldn't imagine adding another $660 for daycare. And I don't know that I could EVER be a stay at home mom. It's just not in me.
Not to mention, we are going to try and start taking kids on actual vacations. And go on vacations ourselves. With Jordan being 10, that means that the 4th kid would not even be big enough to go do anything until Jordan was at least 12. These are the thoughts that cross my mind when I think of adding another pitter patter of feet.
I am sure if by some chance God blessed us with another child, all of these questions or wonderings would be resolved and He would tie up the loose ends and we would love another baby just as much and couldn't imagine our life as anything else but a family of 6.
But for now, I am pretty happy with how things are. I will always miss being pregnant. I will always miss Avery being little and helpless. I will always have a slight yearning for doing it all over again.
These three are enough. They bring me joy every day. And I guess I will just have to hold this future little one alot, very soon. :-)