Thursday, April 18, 2013

Do You Trust Your Husband....With Your Kids and Your Sanity???

Any moms out there will know that kids, under the age of 1, have coordinating outfits. Usually, you get a top and a bottom that are designed to go together, and they are connected at the store by hangers. After we got these outfits home, I usually would have these outfits folded together in Avery's drawer, so as not to cause any confusion. I would say, "Jason, can you go get Avery dressed?" Of course, he would, but Avery would come back in not just uncoordinating sets, but clothes that didn't even match. I am like, "how did you even decide to put those two things together?" He could dress himself all day long, but can't put together a kid's outfit to save his life. Me being the mom I was, I had so many cute outfits for Avery to wear when she was a baby, that it was really important to me that she look cute every day, with a matching bow in her hair, even matching socks. When Jason would bring her out, dressed in clashing colors, it just urked me. I started always picking out her outfits, so as not to send my kid out looking like a little urchin.
OK - this obviously isn't an issue that is that serious. These days, I really don't care what he puts her in, as long as the things she wears are weather appropriate. But at the time, it was one in a long line of things I didn't trust Jason to do with my child. I think my situation was a bit different because Jason had raised his kids alone after a divorce for three years before I came along, so obviously, I knew he could keep a kid alive. But sometimes, let's face it. Men just don't pay attention to small details we women find important. And it's very hard for us to give control over to them, for fear of, I don't know, sending them out unmatched. Or perhaps, fear of our husbands giving the kids an unbalanced meal for dinner. Or not administering their medicine at the right time or the appropriate dosage. Or not recognizing even the smallest cough as a sickness. Ladies, I am not saying anything we don't already know. Women do child rearing better, right? We know the right ways for everything, right?
Obviously, I am being a bit sarcastic here. But even thought we can "joke" about these kinds of things, we really do think in the back of our head that if we don't do it, it doesn't get done right, or at all, in our house. And leaving the kids alone with their dad, even for an evening, causes us anxiety. During our ladies retreat, all of us moms had our cell phones out on our tables, ready to bypass a call from our husbands for some small "emergency" that may pop up.
What are we so afraid of? Why is it that we have a such a hard time trusting husbands to take care of kids, especially when we aren't around? We know how the kids like their lunch, so we know Kid A loves his crust cut off and Kid B doesn't like peanut butter. But dad just says, "Eat it how I make it!" and doesn't do those little details. Is that really so bad? How will dad ever know which kids like what if he doesn't get a chance to be alone with them? Obviously, we know that when kids are around (most) dads, there are times when they get a little rambuctious. I know I've told Jason, on several occasions, not to play with the kids so close to the corner of the coffee table or not to toss them up so high. Of course, this picture comes to mind...
But, is them playing semi-dangerously with kids (you know, like the above) a terrible thing? I don't think so. I think kids need both parents to be different, so it is great that we as moms do things different than dads. It's the way it's supposed to be. Of course, blatently dangerous behavior is something totally different, but roughhousing is good. In my opinion, at least.
So, what would happen if you were to leave home, with your husband in charge, without spending an hour or more preparing for your departure? No one prepares the house for you that way, why do men need us to do it for them? Honestly, I don't think they do. I think we need us to, to make ourselves feel more comfortable, and less guilty, with leaving. If I am wrong, let me know. But I think I am right, or at least, on the right track.
I have learned in my marriage that Jason is pretty good at taking care of the kids. They play all day, they might not eat super great, he might not watch them like a hawk like I do, and when I get home, they might be in who knows what outfits, but I know they are getting well taken care of. I have learned that if I want my free time, and my sanity, I have to learn to lean on my husband for help. And that means, giving up some control in my house and letting him take the reigns. In our house, Jason knew before he married me that my social time with friends and time for relaxing is important to me. And I am a much happier mom and wife because of it, so when I need a night out, I just communicate to him, and he is very good about letting me out to do what I need to do. But, it took a little trust in the beginning on my part.
How are you about leaving your kids with your husband? Do you have any funny husbands stories when they took care of the kiddos?

No comments: