Skip to main content

More Thoughts On Being a Stepmom...

We have had the kids alot in the last two months. It's just worked out with Spring Break, and weekends, that they've spent alot of time with us. I have always struggled with being a good step-mom. Always. I think when you are helping raise someone else's children on an ongoing basis, it's incredibly normal to question yourself and wonder if you are doing things right or wrong. In fact, I probably question my parenting to my stepkids more than my parenting to my daughter.
I have kind of changed my mindset about my stepkids. I think I have been harder on them then I should have been at times. I've expected things I shouldn't expect, or wanted them to be something that they weren't. As Jordan is getting older, it's becoming less and less important to me to feel like the need to correct everything he does and more important to create a relationship with him where he likes me and wants to be around our house, and most importantly, his dad. I know if I keep pushing him and keeping him at a distance, he eventually will not want to be over here as much (now that he is getting to the age of having more of a choice) and above all else, it would break my heart for Jason not to see him as often because of me. I know this is not something I should probably be worried about, but it does cross my mind.
Step-parenting is one of the most difficult, trying, and rewarding things I've ever experienced. Difficult and trying mostly because of me, not because of the kids. Sometimes, I've been so wrapped up in rules and expectations that I forget that they are just who they are, and while there are certin non-negotiables, I don't have to fight every battle presented to me. You could say that about biological children as well, for sure. But it's especially true for kids you don't see all the time.
I've also come to understand that the love I have for Avery and the love I have for my stepkids isn't the same, and it never will be. It's not supposed to be. They have a mother and a father who love them unconditionally, with the love that only a father and mother can give. I love them both, but in different ways. I used to really beat myself up over this, but have learned that it's OK and it's the way it should be, that I love them in different ways. I love them, period, which is more than I can say for alot of stepmothers out there, so I think I am doing pretty good.
I hope that despite the mistakes I've made with them in the last four years, they can see the things I've done right and be able to look back on their childhood with me in it, in a positive way. While I may have made mistakes, I've also done alot to make sure they know I love them. I make it a point, in every house we've ever lived in, to take time and decorate their rooms. They have toys here, and nice clothes here, I try and make their favorite meals, and take them to do things they like to do. Kids don't always understand how adults show them they are loved, but I hope they know that I do.
Nothing really happened this weekend to make me feel this way. I've just been praying alot about being a stepmom lately, and I think God is guiding me to be more accepting of our situation and our relationship. Along the way, He is opening to my eyes to the wonderful and unique kids they are, and before, I would sometimes get so bogged down in what they aren't doing right or what I don't like that they are doing, that I forget to appreciate them and their personalities. That's true for any parents, though isn't it? I don't want to miss the neat things they might tell me in a conversation, a conversation that might not happen if I am too busy being upset that they didn't put their shoes away when I asked or something equally as frustrating, though trivial.
Do any of your struggle with being a stepparent? I would love to hear your stories.


Popular posts from this blog

It was a very good day.

I love it when God smiles upon us. I mean, He smiles upon us all the time. But sometimes, it's like sunshine, and Christmas morning, and rainbows, and babies, and awesomeness. On steroids. And I know that those times are not always permanent, so I learn to really wrap myself in His goodness, to take it all in, be happy, and just sit back and wait to see what He is going to do in my life.
We have been struggling so long. I knew it was only a matter of time before things would be OK again. Where we would feel a little stability. Where we would take all of the things we learned while struggling and apply then when times are good.
We have alot of great things going on in our lives right now. Some really great things. Some amazing, mindblowing, off the grid kind of great things. I wish I could share more, but for right now, let's just say that we are incredibly blessed with some great opportunities God is putting in our lives.
I leave you with a gorgeous picture of our biggest blessin…

What is Your Skin Care Regimen?

Since turning 34 this year, I've been really trying to make sure I am taking care of my skin. I have been using Cover Girl Liquid Powder for years, but it always seemed to break my neck out. And full disclosure, my face cleaning routine consisted of using Avery's baby wipes (which actually do remove eye makeup surprisingly well). So, needless to say, my skin didn't always look its best. So, I received some gift cards for my birthday and I decided to go ahead and spring for some better products. First thing I did was get something designed to clean my face. I ordered the Olay ProX Microdermabrasion System. This system came with the battery-operated scrubber with both a brush and foam pad, plus every day face wash and microdermabrasion wash to be used twice a week. I have really loved using this system. The beauty is that you can really use any face wash you'd like. I will probably buy a pore-reducing wash after the tube they sent me is empty. This system really exfolia…

Our Trip to Orlando and Universal/Disney Travel Tips! (Long Post!!!)

Well, we just got back from our trip to Orlando! And I am tired and sore, but happy and so very glad we were able to do this as a family! Most of my Facebook peeps saw our pictures, but I wanted to share about our vacation and a little travel tips for those thinking of planning something similiar! 
Use a Travel Agent!
First and foremost - I booked my trip, basically last minute, through the amazing and wonderful Lana Kluge . Booking through a travel agent costs you, the consumer, NOTHING. It doesn't make your trip any more expensive and adds nothing to your end bill. What it does do is add a valuable service to your vacation, and that's exactly what Lana offered us. She has been to Disney multiple times and was able to answer all of my many questions up to, and while on, my vacation. Even with booking our resort, we were able to ask where our room was located, as the resort we stayed at (Art of Animation) is very large and I read people saying they had to walk a very long way …