So, I've read several blogs by moms lately who are having trouble being honest on their blogs without feeling like they are not taking things for granted. Like, being honest, while feeling the need to apologize for not feeling grateful and happy 100% of the time. With that said, I say, "complain" if you must, Moms! You deserve it from time to time!!!
If you are going to be upset with me for not apologizing for the things I am about to say, then let's skip over my post for today, shall we? Cause I am pretty sure all moms feel this way from time to time.
First of all, I will say this. God does expect us to show gratitude and be grateful in our situations. But as our pastor said a few weeks ago, that does not mean having to feel grateful and happy for each and every thing life throws at us. "Thank you, God, for giving me this awesome morning sickness, where I feel the urge to throw up every hour. It means my baby is healthy and growing." "Thank you, God, for giving me 27 pots and pans to wash and a dishwasher full of dirty dishes to do every night, cause it means we are eating." "Thank you, God, for allowing me the chance to fold 17 loads of laundry on a constant basis because it means we have clothes to wear." Don't get me wrong. It never escapes my thoughts that some people would kill to have those things. But does that mean that I have to be happy about all of the menial, boring, unpleasant tasks of life, all the time? NO.
Sometimes, I feel like every waking moment of my life is filled with HAVING to DO something. Going to work, going to church, doing dishes, doing laundry, shopping for groceries, playing games the kids want to play, listening to Calliou or the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse on constant repeat on Netflix, listening to kids pound away at the piano, getting Avery down from the piano bench (again and again and again) cleaning up toys, cleaning up shoes, finding bows EVERYWHERE, finding clothes for Avery every morning, finding stuff for ME every morning, listening to my husband's stories from the day, making lunch, making dinner, feeding the dogs, taking the dogs out, redoing furniture, cleaning out the fridge, cleaning out the garage, blah blah blah ON and ON and ON......
I almost never feel like I have a moment of silence, to do what I want to do, EVER.
Last night, I officially had 1 and a half hours after Avery went to bed to make a choice. Either do the enormous mountain of dishes in the sink (which I did) or sit down in silence and watch TV.
Well, I did the dishes and didn't have time to put them away, because there was an even MORE enormous pile of clothes that needed to be folded and put away.
Sometimes, we have time to wash and dry clothes, but putting them away isn't alway something we have time for. Well, I folded clothes and stacked the hangup clothes to be ready to be put on hangers, and by the time this was done, it was 9:45. There was still this mess....
And this mess....
There is just not enough time in life to do every single thing we want to do.
(Cut to Jessie in Saved by the Bell: "No time! There's never any time! I don't have time to study, I'll never get into Stanford, I let everyone down I am so confused! I am so....scared!")
How often do you sit in silence? Just sit, in silence, not talking with your husband or listening to the TV, just sitting with a book or outside in the breeze? I never do. How many of you have some sort of activity that you do on a regular basis, that is JUST about you and you alone? Bunko, softball, book club? I don't.
I swear, sometimes in life you just need a BREAK. I think mine comes around every 2 or 3 months, where I feel like I just want to do something, just for me. Where I can buy dinner at a nice restaurant where I wouldn't be able to take 3 kids. Or get desert somewhere where I don't have to share it with 3 kids. Where I want to do something grown up, like watch a movie with "adult content" and not one with the name "She-Ra" or "Lego Star Wars." I want to spend an afternoon, or better yet, a whole day, doing exactly what I want to do. That does happen in our lives, but not very often. I think the last time we spent a whole day doing what we wanted to do was our anniversary in March. I think it's long past due.
But alas, it will have to wait. This weekend, we are going out of town to see a friend of mine from NYC (which I really am looking forward to, actually). The weekend after that, it's a garage sale. The weekend after that, it's taking the kids clothes shopping. Perhaps one day, soon. I will just daydream about that day until it comes.