Monday, July 23, 2012

Colbi is HOME and other ramblings

So, my beautiful niece is home safe and sound with my sister and brother in law.

Oh my gaw, this picture is so cute I could just DIE.

I get to go see her tonight, so excited! Avery will get to meet her cousin one of these days. In case those of you with kids don't know, toddlers are petri dishes, so the pediatrician said it's best to keep Colbi away from kids right now. It's a good thing, Avery's nose is running like a faucet.

So, with all of this activity, I couldn't help but reflect on this time in my life, 20 months ago today. Such a flood of emotions, you are so glad to have the baby with you at home but TERRIFIED that you might injure it, or starve it, or feed it too much, or not pick up on how tired it is, or that you might scar her for life at only 4 days old.....

At least, that's how I felt some times.

But one thing I didn't think of at this time 20 months ago was how much baby weight I would still be hauling around with me. I just figured it would be easy to lose the weight, that I would be down to my old weight, especially nearly two years later.

Weight Watchers didn't work. I started really hating it after a while. I don't really know why. I honestly don't know why I have this huge aversion to weight loss, but I do. It's ridiculous. But as I was sittting there, looking at Brooke, knowing that anything she puts her mind to, she does it, I just knew that if I don't get a handle on this, and I mean NOW, I am going to feel even worse next year.

There just isn't any reason for it. I guess I just need to find the motivation that is going to get me there. What is it that will keep me going this, my 7th attempt at losing weight? I just don't know. I am lost, I am sad. I don't feel like I have a plan.

The ONLY thing I can think of is: I am addicted to before/after furniture. What if I could put MYSELF as a before and after? How cool would that be? Now that's interesting. I need a goal. And I need to see it, every single day. And look at it every single day. And think about it every single day. What motivates me to redo furniture? Looking at blogs, looking at Pinterest, looking at homes. I WANT THOSE THINGS. I want my home to look like that. I want to do it, and I can't wait to start doing it and I want to finish it. When I finished my dining room, I waited for the day that I would walk in to that room and see what I created, what I worked hard to do. I imagined people looking at what I did and being proud of me for doing it. Even now, I am still proud of that accomplishment.

I need to translate that same passion and desire for my weight loss. I feel as though it will be a hard journey, but just for a little while. Not forever. Can I work really hard at weight loss, say, for five months? Because that's how many months it is until the end of the year. 5 months. Can I do it? Can I lose 35 pounds? That's 7 pounds a month. What if I took a picture of myself, every start of the month? Would that motivate me? I bet it would.

Ulimately, the longer I keep going down this path, the worse I am going to feel. The biggest thing I tell myself is whatever the goal, if you start NOW, you will be done in December. In December, will I look back, if I didn't do anything to work towards my goal, how will I feel then? The longer you wait to do something, the longer it doesn't get done. Ok, December Jenna, here's hoping!

1 comment:

Ally said...

I've got a Colby too. She's the light of my heart.