I have tried for the past few days to upload our Seattle pictures and I am having such a tough time! I don't understand what's going on!
Anyway, I spent the last days since we got back from Seattle taking care of a sick baby. We've been so lucky these last few months that Avery is in good health, so this was a little hard to deal with. I think just being on a plane, the time difference and the climate change just got the ball rolling and then the horrible wind and smoke from the Possum Kingdom fire just did her in. I got up on Wednesday and let her sleep in a little before taking her to Pam's and then around 3pm, I got a call that she had diarhea and a bad cough and I needed to come pick her up. Thursday I took the first half of the day off and Jason took the second half so she could stay home. I felt bad for her, but the little cutie wasn't acting sick at all, she had no fever, she was still eating and all seemed to be well, except for her cough. I thought she might have had an ear infection with all of the stuff going around, but I wanted to wait because I knew my doctor would have just sent me home if there was nothing she could do, so I wanted to be sure. I couldn't miss any more work so I called my parents and we went and stayed with them Thursday night and they took care of her Friday, we stayed there over the weekend and came back home on Sunday. In the process of all of this missed sleep, I got sick and still am. But, once you become a mom, I think your sick days are reserved for the kiddos, so I am just muddling through.
I was very grateful that my parents were there to help because I got caught up on some hours at work we desperately needed. But all of this just reminded me of something that is always at the forefront of my mind: we are just one catastrophe away from losing it. I know, many Americans are in this same boat. But for the last 15 months or so, I just feel like we are doing everything we can just to keep our heads above water, depending on other peoeple's help, having to just deal with the circumstances we are in until we can dig out of it just to wind up in another hole. I get very frustrated at times because I know that we are doing the very best we can, and yet, it feels like it's just not getting better. When I take a step back, I can see that it is getting better, but it's taking a long time. I can't help but feel like, at times, God has forgotten about me. Jason has a job he loves now, his old flexible schedule back and is doing what he was born to do, but for me, I feel like I am just surviving, trying to make our life work from day to day. Just surviving. That's a great explanation. It stinks in life when this is all you feel like you ever do. Just make it. Just survive.
I have prayed alot of prayers and had alot of conversations with God during this time. "God, give me strength." "God, give me patience." "God, give me peace." I have been mad at God, depressed, upset, sad, angry, almost to the point of giving up altogether at times. But now, the only prayer I can seem to pray is "God, please don't forget me." He has talked to me alot the last few months, I could hear Him talking loudly there for a while with His convictions, but the last couple of weeks, I feel like He's gone. And all I can think is "God, I've been faithful. Please don't forget me." I know He's working behind the scenes. I know He is doing things that I don't even see. I know that all will be well and He will give me the desires of my heart, but I just feel myself continuing to say those words over and over, "God, please don't forget me." It seems to be the only words I can say that make me feel better. It's honest, it's what I really feel. It's a plea to my Father that I know He can hear. Of course, I know there are blessings in my life and I can spend all day listing all of the great ways people have helped us over the last months. But I want to be able to live a life that does not require constant help, one that is fulfilling, where I know I am doing what I am supposed to be doing. Right now, I feel like, I am continuing to do what God is asking, but I am just waiting for the next step for my life. Just waiting. And in that waiting, "God, please don't forget me."
Well, enough of that today. Mom took some pictures of me and Avery in the bluebonnets. She also got Avery this adorable outfit...my daughter is just so beautiful. During her sickness, she just kept smiling and smiling. She looks so deeply at my face and all I can think is that all of this now, everything I go through, is not in vain anymore. It's for her. It's for that innocent, sweet, pure child that I get the honor of raising. That child that I didn't, and still don't, deserve, yet God trusted me with her anyway. Blessing 201,879. Have a great Monday, all!
Anyway, I spent the last days since we got back from Seattle taking care of a sick baby. We've been so lucky these last few months that Avery is in good health, so this was a little hard to deal with. I think just being on a plane, the time difference and the climate change just got the ball rolling and then the horrible wind and smoke from the Possum Kingdom fire just did her in. I got up on Wednesday and let her sleep in a little before taking her to Pam's and then around 3pm, I got a call that she had diarhea and a bad cough and I needed to come pick her up. Thursday I took the first half of the day off and Jason took the second half so she could stay home. I felt bad for her, but the little cutie wasn't acting sick at all, she had no fever, she was still eating and all seemed to be well, except for her cough. I thought she might have had an ear infection with all of the stuff going around, but I wanted to wait because I knew my doctor would have just sent me home if there was nothing she could do, so I wanted to be sure. I couldn't miss any more work so I called my parents and we went and stayed with them Thursday night and they took care of her Friday, we stayed there over the weekend and came back home on Sunday. In the process of all of this missed sleep, I got sick and still am. But, once you become a mom, I think your sick days are reserved for the kiddos, so I am just muddling through.
I was very grateful that my parents were there to help because I got caught up on some hours at work we desperately needed. But all of this just reminded me of something that is always at the forefront of my mind: we are just one catastrophe away from losing it. I know, many Americans are in this same boat. But for the last 15 months or so, I just feel like we are doing everything we can just to keep our heads above water, depending on other peoeple's help, having to just deal with the circumstances we are in until we can dig out of it just to wind up in another hole. I get very frustrated at times because I know that we are doing the very best we can, and yet, it feels like it's just not getting better. When I take a step back, I can see that it is getting better, but it's taking a long time. I can't help but feel like, at times, God has forgotten about me. Jason has a job he loves now, his old flexible schedule back and is doing what he was born to do, but for me, I feel like I am just surviving, trying to make our life work from day to day. Just surviving. That's a great explanation. It stinks in life when this is all you feel like you ever do. Just make it. Just survive.
I have prayed alot of prayers and had alot of conversations with God during this time. "God, give me strength." "God, give me patience." "God, give me peace." I have been mad at God, depressed, upset, sad, angry, almost to the point of giving up altogether at times. But now, the only prayer I can seem to pray is "God, please don't forget me." He has talked to me alot the last few months, I could hear Him talking loudly there for a while with His convictions, but the last couple of weeks, I feel like He's gone. And all I can think is "God, I've been faithful. Please don't forget me." I know He's working behind the scenes. I know He is doing things that I don't even see. I know that all will be well and He will give me the desires of my heart, but I just feel myself continuing to say those words over and over, "God, please don't forget me." It seems to be the only words I can say that make me feel better. It's honest, it's what I really feel. It's a plea to my Father that I know He can hear. Of course, I know there are blessings in my life and I can spend all day listing all of the great ways people have helped us over the last months. But I want to be able to live a life that does not require constant help, one that is fulfilling, where I know I am doing what I am supposed to be doing. Right now, I feel like, I am continuing to do what God is asking, but I am just waiting for the next step for my life. Just waiting. And in that waiting, "God, please don't forget me."
Well, enough of that today. Mom took some pictures of me and Avery in the bluebonnets. She also got Avery this adorable outfit...my daughter is just so beautiful. During her sickness, she just kept smiling and smiling. She looks so deeply at my face and all I can think is that all of this now, everything I go through, is not in vain anymore. It's for her. It's for that innocent, sweet, pure child that I get the honor of raising. That child that I didn't, and still don't, deserve, yet God trusted me with her anyway. Blessing 201,879. Have a great Monday, all!
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