Skip to main content

What's With The Inner Dialogue??

I read this article today and I just thought it was such a great read...
 
 
I would be lying if I said I didn't have inner monologue constantly going in my head about my self-image and body. In fact, at times, it is just so loud I can barely think of anything else. At times, I think I look pretty good and think I am fine with myself as it is. Other times, it is so negative that I just beat myself up over it and walk around with this aura of insecurity. Of all of the things I think, what I hate the most is how much hate I have for myself about being "lazy" or having no self-control.
 
It's not my tummy being soft, or my thighs being big. It's the fact that I seem to think I should be this superwoman, every week, every day. With the ultimate in self-control, exercising constantly, and never allowing myself pleasures when it comes to food. Why do I do this to myself? I am not lazy. I work a 40 hour a week job. For the last 3 weeks, I've actually been a "stay at home" mom and worked 40 hours a week simultaneously, while tending to three children at all hours of the day. I've done VBS every night for a week, traveled out of the state on a road trip with three children, participated in parties, given time to family and friends, and been to church. My life isn't lazy. While I do feel incredibly sedentary, it's not because I want it to be that way. I sit as part of my job and I really hate it. But, for now, I don't have another option, so it is what it is. And yet, I punish myself constantly for being this "lazy" person.
 
But, with all of that said, I can certainly relate to the author of this article. That has been a hard thing for me to accept, that even though I know my husband loves me and thinks I am the most beautiful woman in the world, at times, I find myself cringing as well when he tells me so. Just like her, I also ask myself, "Why doesn't he see all of the stuff I see? Why can't he see how flabby and soft I am? How can he possibly think I look so beautiful when he sees me in a swimsuit?" And I feel such turmoil, to allow my husband to love me and admire his wife, the way he wants to, and to accept that admiration without questioning it.
 
It's hard to be a woman, yes? With all of this inner dialogue going on, it's a wonder we even have relationships and get out of the house at all. But honestly, I know that I eat pretty well, especially lately. I exercise when I have time to do it and I don't just lay around in bed all day long. I am raising children, I cook dinner for them, I do laundry, and I work. I need to give myself credit for that, that just because I am not a size 2 (and even if I was, I have a feeling I would still have issues with my self-image) I am still a beautiful person who contributes to very important things in this world.
 
I am going to work on this. Making the inner dialogue in my head positive instead of negative. And allowing the husband God blessed me with to compliment me, kiss me, and love me as much as he wants, without me turning away for fear of him thinking "my thighs are too fat." It's kind of crazy, isn't it? We spend the first part of our adult life looking for a guy who is kind, respectful, loving and cares about us without fail, and then once we get a guy like that, we spend the rest of our lives questioning his sincerity. Ugh.
 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

What is Your Skin Care Regimen?

Since turning 34 this year, I've been really trying to make sure I am taking care of my skin. I have been using Cover Girl Liquid Powder for years, but it always seemed to break my neck out. And full disclosure, my face cleaning routine consisted of using Avery's baby wipes (which actually do remove eye makeup surprisingly well). So, needless to say, my skin didn't always look its best.   So, I received some gift cards for my birthday and I decided to go ahead and spring for some better products. First thing I did was get something designed to clean my face. I ordered the Olay ProX Microdermabrasion System.     This system came with the battery-operated scrubber with both a brush and foam pad, plus every day face wash and microdermabrasion wash to be used twice a week. I have really loved using this system. The beauty is that you can really use any face wash you'd like. I will probably buy a pore-reducing wash after the tube they sent me is empty. This syst...

It was a very good day.

I love it when God smiles upon us. I mean, He smiles upon us all the time. But sometimes, it's like sunshine, and Christmas morning, and rainbows, and babies, and awesomeness. On steroids. And I know that those times are not always permanent, so I learn to really wrap myself in His goodness, to take it all in, be happy, and just sit back and wait to see what He is going to do in my life. We have been struggling so long. I knew it was only a matter of time before things would be OK again. Where we would feel a little stability. Where we would take all of the things we learned while struggling and apply then when times are good. We have alot of great things going on in our lives right now. Some really great things. Some amazing, mindblowing, off the grid kind of great things. I wish I could share more, but for right now, let's just say that we are incredibly blessed with some great opportunities God is putting in our lives. I leave you with a gorgeous picture of our biggest bl...

Why I am Pro Universal Healthcare and Changes to Our Healthcare System

Due to my recent proactivity with my credit and paying off debt, I decided to give the hospital a call where I was admitted about a month ago and ask about my bill. I wanted to make sure I didn't miss it in the mail and I wanted to get an idea of what I'd be paying for my stay. I get on the phone with the billing department and the woman is just as nice as can be, really. She was surprised I'd even called her, considering I didn't even have a bill yet. She told me she'd sent the bill over to my insurance to be approved and paid but they hadn't heard back yet. "Just out of curiosity," I asked, knowing I would be responsible for 20% of the final bill, "how much was it?" What I heard next shocked me.   "$61,000" she said.   I said, "$61,000? I was only in the hospital for a night and only on anti-biotics, you can't be serious! My daughter cost me less than a third of that to give birth to and I was in the hospital two nights!...