Yesterday, I woke up in a horrible mood. I was so, so tired. For whatever reason, for several nights in a row, I had terrible nights of sleep. I usually will have a stretch of nights every once in a while where either I can't fall asleep at all, or I wake up several times throughout the night, or I wake up super early and I can't fall back asleep. I can do it for a few days and be fine, but yesterday. Yesterday, all I wanted was to take a nap. I never want to take a nap. But yesterday, I longed for rest, and knew it wasn't going to happen. Instead, we took down Christmas decorations in the morning. When Avery napped, despite the fact that my husband was doing the laundry, I told him I needed some sleep and needed to nap when she did. I laid down, and while I did, my daughter, for over an hour, stayed awake, talking to herself, yelling to herself, singing to herself. We share a wall and it was very loud. Every time I would drift off, she would bang on the wall or shout. After a while, I just let her up, and I went into the living room, grouchier and more tired than ever.
My husband recognized this and took Avery to the park for a while, which was such a nice blessing. It was about 4, and I knew if I fell asleep now, I would wake up and not be able to go back to bed, so I just sat on the couch and watched Cutthroat Kitchen (which is the weirdest show ever) and let my brain stop. When I am this tired, I am grouchy and I have a really hard time dealing with things and making sense of things. I mean, we all do. Being super tired is the equivalent of being intoxicated, so it makes sense. While Jason was gone, I asked him to pick up a pizza. I didn't want that to be my cheat meal, but it ended up being my cheat meal, because all I wanted to do was eat, and I wanted to eat junk.
I didn't realize just how much being tired was tied to weight loss. But when your body is tired, it wants things to give it energy, like sugar. So when you are tired, you crave bad carbs and junk food. And last night, that's all I ate. I knew my diet was going so well, and I also knew I had to get some rest so that tomorrow, I could do better. And, I did. I drank some Sleepytime tea and took some medicine to help me go to sleep, and I slept over 8 hours, even though my daughter woke us up around 2 am. I woke up this morning feeling better, feeling more able to handle situations around me, and I felt like I wanted to eat good food again. And today, I have.
I know we all need exercise, we all guilt ourselves into not exercising enough. But what about sleep? Your body needs sleep. Sleep helps you combat the bulge. It helps you make better decisions. It helps you have more energy so that you will want to work out. That's what yesterday really taught me.
And, it also taught me that just because I have a bad meal, or because I have a moment, or evening, of weakness, doesn't mean all is lost and I can't start right back up again. That's how I know I am really committed to this, that I am not going to let last night be the permission I need to eat badly today. Like, "well, you already messed up, guess you can just go ahead and have a cheeseburger!" Today, I had a good breakfast, and I just had a salad and lots of edamame, with some pita chips, for lunch. And I am full. I really wanted some chocolate, but I ate enough last night to last the whole week, so no!!