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Ask me a question and I will give you an answer

My second blog challenge out there is to Answer a Question....this was hard because I had to think of a question that people have asked me in the past and answer it. I thought and thought and finally came up with one...

How does it feel to be a stepmom?

Being a stepmom is not something I was really prepared for, nor is it something I thought would ever happen. I guess deep down I figured that the older I got, the more the possibility was there, but I just didn't really see it coming.

The first year I was with the kids, I was in love. They were so much fun! I wasn't so involved with the day to day discipline, nor was I really involved with the goings on with Jason and their mom (regarding the kids and visitation and stuff). All I had to be was the cool girl who hung out with them, who played with them and took them out places. I thought it was great that I was getting to relive my youth through them by going places I hadn't been since I was a kid. Jordan was doing great in school, Sophia hadn't started yet and there was just something easy about it.

As time went on and Jason and I got married, things started becoming more complicated. The kids' mom moved them farther away, Jordan started at a new school and Sophia started kindergarten. And I started learning what it was like to live on not a lot of money while having quite a bit of child support taken out. I learned how hard it is to watch the kids come back from their mom's and hear them tell us what fun things they got to do this week or what stuff they got, and us knowing we barely are making it cause so much of our income goes to their family. I started learning what it was like to disagree with how kids are raised regarding certain issues at the house they are at 70% of the time but still try to have an impact on their upbringing. I have learned how different a boy who is 9 and a girl who is 6 can be and how easy at times it can be to be around one kid and hard it can be to be around the other. I have learned how to be the disciplinarian without being the "evil stepmother." I have learned that God did not intend for families to break up and how hard it gets each year to keep things going without being frustrated, resentful and angry. But most importantly, I have learned to be a shoulder to cry on when my husband misses his kids so deeply and can't see them every day, but can't do anything about it.

I love my stepkids but every day brings its own challenges. Some weekends are great and others aren't, which is pretty typical of any other family. If I could give anyone advice from a stepparent's perspective, its that is your are going through a divorce or have been divorced, let what happened in your relationship go and move on for the good of the kids. If you have an ex-spouse who wants to be an active part of the kids' lives, don't keep them from it, encourage it, especially if they are doing everything they are supposed to kids. Ultimately, everyone ends up being miserable if you don't just learn to work together.

What question do you get asked a lot and how do you normally answer?
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

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