Choices

Do you ever sometimes feel like everything and every choice you do is wrong? I felt like that this past week. As a step-mom, it's hard to know your boundaries. It's hard to know what choice you will make that will be the one that might separate you from the kids. If you correct their behavior, is this the time you will cross the line with them and they will start not liking you? Do they feel like you are taking their dad away or making him less fun? I think Jason and the kids had a different dynamic before I came along. He was very fun and allowed them to do daring things. I think that's all men. They don't see sometimes the danger in what they allow kids to do, and as women, we do. For example, we took the kids on a walk to the parking lot of the school across the street (which was empty) so Jordan could practice on his new scooter and Sophia was walking her new baby in her new stroller. Well, earlier that day, he took the kids out by themselves and allowed them to "iceskate" on a large patch of ice. They get out with me, and I see them running across the ice, Sophia with her stroller and Jordan with his scooter and it scared the bejesus out of me. All I could see is one of them busting it on the concrete, flying face first into the ice and knocking their teeth out or breaking a wrist. But Jason didn't see that, he just knew they were having fun. I think God intended life to be this way, one parent as the fun dare devil who allows the kids to do daring things and one who stops it. You can't have too much of one side or the other. But when I said stop because it made me nervous, I could tell the kids were like, "We got to do it earlier! My dad let us do it." But sometimes, when I see the kids do things like that, I also see their mom when we have to have her meet us at the ER and explain that they kids are there because we let them play on ice. I know kids will be kids and sometimes they just need to get hurt, but I think that's an adjustment I am learning to make.

Anyway, life is full of times you feel like you are not making good choices. I wish I could learn to deal with that better!