I really don't know why this mother has struck such an emotional cord with me. But I have been looking at her blog several times a day since the last post to see any updates on her little boy. This morning, I got the update.
My precious angel received his wings today.
I have had many nightmares about having to write this post.
He was exactly 2 years and 8 months old.
It happened within minutes of me picking him up out of bed and rocking him.
He took his last peaceful breaths in my arms, in his most favorite spot.
My heart literally hurts more than I ever thought was possible.
I'm completely lost without him and don't know where to go or what to do when my feet hit the floor.
I miss him so much it physically hurts.
Please don't forget to thank God for the PEACE we prayed to him for.
And please bear with me as I try to pull myself together.
I will let everyone know as soon as I decide on the details of his services.
Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for the support through this unbearable time.
I know he's flying high, pain free, and talking Jesus' ear off...
But that doesn't take away this selfish feeling of wanting him back in my arms.
I love you, Bubby.
Mommy misses you more than I promised I would...
I hope Jesus loves your drumming as much as we all did.
I just couldn't stop reading these last two posts. I spoke to some of you who were hardly able to read what I wrote and couldn't bring yourself to read what she wrote herself. I don't know why I couldn't stop. I told my friend this weekend that maybe I felt like it wasn't fair to Tripp's mom, who actually was going through this horrible situation, to not read and experience even the slightest bit of her pain. Like, if I stopped and didn't cry for her and feel her pain that I was sparing myself when this mother couldn't.
This weekend wasn't the best weekend for me or Jason. Not that anything bad happened per se, but there are some things going on that are out of our control and I find myself a little depressed and sad about life sometimes, especially how people can be towards one another. I try not to talk about the divorce or the unfairness of custody but I still expect some good out of some people and are still somewhat surprised at the ugliness. I guess that's all I can say about that, but when you look at a situation such as this one it's just hard to imagine why people make their lives so much harder than it has to be, why they are mean for no reason, and why they just can't realize that life on it's own is hard enough and we don't need to keep making it harder on ourselves and those around us. But, as my preacher said on Sunday, we don't always know God's plan. We just have to accept that we don't know, but God does. It's not always easy to do.
If you'll notice, I highlighted a part of this post in red, where she asks us to thank God for the peace we prayed for. Those words are just beyond me. She lost her son in a horrible way and instead of being mad at God, which I am sure a part of her is, she asks us to thank God for the peace he provided towards the end. Sometimes are prayers aren't always answered. And sometimes they are answered in a way that is more than we could have hoped. I guess when you have accepted God's plan, you just ask God for a little bit of comfort in the process. "A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down." If she was going to lose her little boy, she is glad God gave him peace. I am floored by this woman and her strength. Especially that during this process she was able to write about it. She knew that this was a part of EB and that was the whole point of her blog, to bring awareness of this disease and death is a part of that. Floored.
I know my posts have been so sad these last few days but I guess that's how I've been feeling. Just blue. I think we all go through that from time to time in life, don't we? But, we have to know that God has reasons for everything and this is all part of the journey. I am praying for Tripp's mommy. But I am joyful that Tripp is with Jesus and pain free and happy. Hopefully, Jesus will allow Tripp to look after his mommy as she's looked after him.