Sharing My Jennarocity

When the end of a relationship comes suddenly, it can leave so much confusion. At least, that's how I have felt. There has been so much to process in all of this, even more than I have shared on my blog or with others. The surprising thing, more than anything, is that I don't know where my friend went. Not just my husband, but my best friend. One day, he was there. The next day, he was just gone. My husband was my best friend. I could tell him anything - and he always understood, was always supportive and always accepted me. He loved me, genuinely loved me. Then one day, that stopped. The husband I knew was gone and I haven't seen him since. I realized yesterday a part of this that has made this so hard - I'm not just grieving the loss of my marriage, but I feel like I'm grieving the death of the husband I knew. And it's like the most antagonizing death there can be, because the person's body is still alive, but the mind inside of it has changed. At lea...

There are times in all of this when it can become very tempting to allow the enemy to pull you over to the dark side. When someone else continues to make poor choices that are downright disrespectful and wrong - someone that you trusted with your heart, someone you trust to raise your child with you - it can be maddening and frustrating to watch. You want them to be different, and change, and see the error of their ways, but they just don't. They do hurtful things and cause pain, yet it doesn't seem to bother them. You don't see remorse, you just see more bad choices.  There are so many times, and I'm sure will continue to be so many more, where I flirt with the line between anger and bitterness. I am constantly having to let things go. There are constantly things that are being done that are having to be forgiven and moved on from. It seems that it's a neverending battle in my heart and my mind, that say, "You have every reason in the world to be upset. B...

Today was a day I had been dreading since we scheduled it: mediation. There were a few things we couldn't agree on and mediation was decided. Since we are finished with that process, I wanted to share a little about the process I've gone through in the last couple of days.  I've been very angry these past 7 months. Well, truthfully, I've been a lot of things. Sometimes, I have been 7 different things in one day, just depending on what was going on. I've been seeing a counselor to sort out my feelings and to make sure I didn't go completely crazy. For the first time in my life, I allowed myself to feel every feeling as it came to me. I was able to identify emotions and mental patterns as those emotions came and went. As difficult as this process has been, I have to be thankful for this part of it, because it has truly given me such insight into myself, and has allowed me to be more in control of reactions, but also more in tune with myself. This might surpri...

We just had a lovely, lovely day.  I got a card, a new plant that Avery grew at school (which I fully intend to keep alive), a shrinky dink magnet, and a book about me!  My favorite is that she said I am really good at being myself. I feel like that's very intuitive for a 7 year old.  Next, we went to church in our adorable t-shirts that I just had to have! She is my mini me for sure - if not in looks, in personality!  We spent the day poolside at Brookes, being entertained by the cutest girl in the world who goes by the name Landri.  I really don't get sucked in to cuteness often - but this little girl has me WRAPPED.    This was my first Mother's Day as a single mom. I have had many first single holidays in the last 7 months - first New Years Eve, birthday, Valentine's Day, our anniversary - but this one was my favorite because I am reminded of the most perfect thing we did together - Avery. In Jan...