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Saying Goodbye to My Dream House

Six years ago, almost to the day, I posted about us moving into our dream house. 

It was titled, "When You Are Least Expecting It."  I find it ironic, given the way all of this ended, as surprisingly as it began. 

When Jason first left, I had three major fears: 1) Losing my marriage, 2) Losing my stepkids and 3) Losing my house. 

My house is the last on that list of concerns. Of those three things, I've kept the one thing that mattered most, which is knowing I will always be in my stepkids' lives. While I didn't have much control how all of this played out, I was able to negotiate in our decree that when I got rid of the house would be my decision on my terms. I've been paying for it alone since February and the Lord saw fit to take care of me financially until I was ready to emotionally give it up.

The last few months, I've been really thinking about the house and working through my emotions about it. Every week, I get more and more aggravated with having to keep up with the maintenance and cleaning. It's just way bigger than the two of us need. I look around and see places where Jason and I worked side by side in our office, and sleep in the room we shared together. I see the kids rooms that have gone empty for pretty much the entire last 10 months, barring a few random evenings here and there where they've stayed with me, or other guests who have come to visit. I still call their rooms Jordan's room and Sophia's room, even though I don't really feel their presence in them anymore.

This house is a party house, meant for a big family. It's a lovely wonderful house with a beautiful history and a great story. It's given me and my family so many great times. It's held up beautifully and has seen so many family visits, friend visits, parties, showers, Christmas Eves and New Years Eve gatherings,trick-or-treating, ping pong games, game nights with friends and kids, at least 5 birthday parties for Avery and me, a refuge for family when they've needed a place to stay, Disciple Nows, bunco games, a Christmas Tour of Homes, so many tours inside my house by me I can't even count and a wonderful place to be proud of. 

A few months ago, I started being more aggravated with the sheer amount of time it took me to take care of the house. I realized just how much time I was spending sweeping, steam cleaning, cleaning bathrooms and mirrors. etc. And I think my aggravation with it started becoming stronger than my sadness of not having it anymore. That's when I realized it was time to let it go. 

I'm not sure when we will get it on the market, but it will probably be soon. Pray for us as we go through this transition. 

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