I think I'm probably in good company when it comes to dealing with failure. We've all felt like we've failed in life, probably several times. And let's not forget the ever popular hashtags #momfail #pinterestfail #decoratingfail....and on and on.
What is failure? The dictionary defines failure as "a lack of success." I would say this sums it up pretty well.
A lack of success is how I would describe the store I opened. That, somehow, has a much better ring to it than failure, don't you think? I'm not a person afraid of failure and I never have been. I do not mind trying something and taking the risk that it might not go as I would have hoped. I know there are people out there who would not take a step forward unless they had a guarantee of how it would work out. That is not in my nature. I am a risk taker in many ways and have confidence in my abilities, so taking a step forward is not difficult for me to do. When I quit my salaried job to become a real estate agent, it was scary but I couldn't wait to give it a try. After 11 months of trying, and when my first year had produced one lonesome sale, I wanted to quit. I told my broker that I was clearly not good at this job and I can't handle this failure anymore! I am lucky that my broker loves me and quickly corrected my mindset. "Everyone has a hard year their first year. You are building a business based on clients - these things take time, no matter how good you are! You will be amazing, Jenna, don't give up yet." I was glad I got that encouragement, because by the next year, I matched in commission what my salaried position would have been. And since then, it's grown and grown. That was a good risk that turned out really well for me.
I have learned the difference of good risks and bad risks. A good risk is when you see something you feel you need to try, and the good outcomes of that potential risk you hope to gain outweigh the bad outcomes you hope to avoid. It also involves assessing the amount of work you are willing to put in to achieve the good outcomes, even in the face of obstacles or adversity. For me, a career in real estate was well worth the obstacle of not making money at first, as well as overcoming the adversity component of working hard to gain new clients. The bad outcome, to me, meant going back to a life of an 8-5 job, even if it meant steady income. I was determined to make this career choice successful, even if I felt discouraged, because I felt God in the process and knew the hours and flexibility, and potential income opportunities, were well worth working through the discouragement I might feel. I also knew that my broker was right; my personality fit this career choice to a tee, and I had faith in God and myself.
When I opened the store, I didn't truly weigh the good and bad outcomes. Taking a risk simply for the purpose of taking it is not a very good decision, especially one that is financially risky. Could I have stuck with it and made it work? I'm sure I could have. Would it have been worth it? In the end, no. Looking back, I realize opening the store was probably a risk I should never have taken. My pride wasn't hurt because of the failure of the store, but that I knew better than to do it in the first place.
So - how do you go about showing your face again when faced with such a failure?
That's really what all of this failure stuff is about, isn't it? Showing your face when you've tried something that didn't succeed. I will be honest and tell you that this particular failure was a very public one, so it was hard on me to come to terms with. But, I will list a few of the things I've learned about failure and how I've gone about dealing with it.
1. If you learn something from it, nothing is ever truly a failure.
You must learn to look at the experience of the action, instead of the result of the action. This is the only way you can come away from it with true perspective. Was the store a failure? Yes. However, I was able to reflect and learn a multitude of lessons about priorities, being a business owner, being the boss, how I deal with stress, what makes me do the things I do, among others. Now, had I come away from that experience wallowing in self-pity, putting myself down and staying depressed, it would have been a failure. Had I allowed my other drive for my other career to diminish because of this one failure, it would have been a failure of catastrophic proportions.
2. Failure is something you experience, not who you are.
Just because you don't succeed at something you try, doesn't make you a failure. It makes you a person who experienced failure. You have to compartmentalize the two, or else you run the risk of labeling yourself as something you aren't. Examples of this would be: "I opened a store that closed in months. I am a failure at life." At that point, you can start an avalanche of self-doubt that can result in you never trying anything new again. This one failure is temporary and it will pass. It is not a permanent fixture of your life that will follow you around forever. If you can find a way to move past it, everyone else will, too.
3. Resilience is the key to overcoming failure.
Resilience is the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties. You know how you get better at being resilient? Trying and failing. The more you try, the more resilient you become when things don't go as you hoped. Resilience is an incredibly important muscle to build because there are so many times in life that we are handed difficulties we didn't ask for, and life expects us to pop back up and start again. If you never had to be resilient and learn how to navigate it, the small things that push you down can really keep you down much longer than they should.
4. Telling your story of failure so others may learn from it actually makes it a success!
If your failure keeps someone else from making the same mistakes, than is it really a failure? Too often, people are embarrassed or ashamed to tell their stories and it's a real shame. We all fail. If we'd be more open to sharing those failures with others, we would all benefit from it! Which leads me to my next point...
5. Don't be afraid of what others may think.
It's easy for outsiders to judge you from the peanut gallery and to tell you what your mistakes were from behind the safety curtain. Most of the time, though, we make other people's opinion far too important to us. Who cares what people say? They aren't living your life and they don't truly know your story. If there is judgment, it's usually from people who have never tried something new or risky once in their lives and are missing out on the great things you are learning from your experience. You'll show them anyway - you are going to be better from this and will show your face proudly, and their opinions will blow away like dust in the wind.
6. Give yourself credit and a little grace!
You tried something that was hard, which is way ahead of most people. You did something to took courage. When I think about what I was able to do, I have to give myself a pat on the back for even trying it in the first place! We are our own worst critics, but give yourself the grace you'd give to someone else in your position. That's often the hardest part of failure - allowing yourself off the hook.
I have learned the difference of good risks and bad risks. A good risk is when you see something you feel you need to try, and the good outcomes of that potential risk you hope to gain outweigh the bad outcomes you hope to avoid. It also involves assessing the amount of work you are willing to put in to achieve the good outcomes, even in the face of obstacles or adversity. For me, a career in real estate was well worth the obstacle of not making money at first, as well as overcoming the adversity component of working hard to gain new clients. The bad outcome, to me, meant going back to a life of an 8-5 job, even if it meant steady income. I was determined to make this career choice successful, even if I felt discouraged, because I felt God in the process and knew the hours and flexibility, and potential income opportunities, were well worth working through the discouragement I might feel. I also knew that my broker was right; my personality fit this career choice to a tee, and I had faith in God and myself.
When I opened the store, I didn't truly weigh the good and bad outcomes. Taking a risk simply for the purpose of taking it is not a very good decision, especially one that is financially risky. Could I have stuck with it and made it work? I'm sure I could have. Would it have been worth it? In the end, no. Looking back, I realize opening the store was probably a risk I should never have taken. My pride wasn't hurt because of the failure of the store, but that I knew better than to do it in the first place.
So - how do you go about showing your face again when faced with such a failure?
That's really what all of this failure stuff is about, isn't it? Showing your face when you've tried something that didn't succeed. I will be honest and tell you that this particular failure was a very public one, so it was hard on me to come to terms with. But, I will list a few of the things I've learned about failure and how I've gone about dealing with it.
1. If you learn something from it, nothing is ever truly a failure.
You must learn to look at the experience of the action, instead of the result of the action. This is the only way you can come away from it with true perspective. Was the store a failure? Yes. However, I was able to reflect and learn a multitude of lessons about priorities, being a business owner, being the boss, how I deal with stress, what makes me do the things I do, among others. Now, had I come away from that experience wallowing in self-pity, putting myself down and staying depressed, it would have been a failure. Had I allowed my other drive for my other career to diminish because of this one failure, it would have been a failure of catastrophic proportions.
2. Failure is something you experience, not who you are.
Just because you don't succeed at something you try, doesn't make you a failure. It makes you a person who experienced failure. You have to compartmentalize the two, or else you run the risk of labeling yourself as something you aren't. Examples of this would be: "I opened a store that closed in months. I am a failure at life." At that point, you can start an avalanche of self-doubt that can result in you never trying anything new again. This one failure is temporary and it will pass. It is not a permanent fixture of your life that will follow you around forever. If you can find a way to move past it, everyone else will, too.
3. Resilience is the key to overcoming failure.
Resilience is the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties. You know how you get better at being resilient? Trying and failing. The more you try, the more resilient you become when things don't go as you hoped. Resilience is an incredibly important muscle to build because there are so many times in life that we are handed difficulties we didn't ask for, and life expects us to pop back up and start again. If you never had to be resilient and learn how to navigate it, the small things that push you down can really keep you down much longer than they should.
4. Telling your story of failure so others may learn from it actually makes it a success!
If your failure keeps someone else from making the same mistakes, than is it really a failure? Too often, people are embarrassed or ashamed to tell their stories and it's a real shame. We all fail. If we'd be more open to sharing those failures with others, we would all benefit from it! Which leads me to my next point...
5. Don't be afraid of what others may think.
It's easy for outsiders to judge you from the peanut gallery and to tell you what your mistakes were from behind the safety curtain. Most of the time, though, we make other people's opinion far too important to us. Who cares what people say? They aren't living your life and they don't truly know your story. If there is judgment, it's usually from people who have never tried something new or risky once in their lives and are missing out on the great things you are learning from your experience. You'll show them anyway - you are going to be better from this and will show your face proudly, and their opinions will blow away like dust in the wind.
6. Give yourself credit and a little grace!
You tried something that was hard, which is way ahead of most people. You did something to took courage. When I think about what I was able to do, I have to give myself a pat on the back for even trying it in the first place! We are our own worst critics, but give yourself the grace you'd give to someone else in your position. That's often the hardest part of failure - allowing yourself off the hook.
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