Last night was our first P90X experience. It was awesome! By the time I got home from choir and the grocery store, it was 9:30 and we live on the second floor of an apartment, so I was a little concerned with how much noise we'd be making on the floor. At first, you could modify the moves without having to jump, but after 30 minutes, you just had to jump and run around alot so we had to quit. Jason was dying, he said. I wasn't so much, mainly because I was doing the modified movements just so I could get through the whole thing. He wants to do the movements the way they do it on the tape, I really just want my heart rate to stay up the whole time so I can start losing my weight. Even the modified movements were tough, I had to take alot of 5 second breaks! After the 30 minutes, we put in Ab Ripper. And ripped us, it did! I have no stomach strength anymore, but even if I did, these are HARD moves. It was 16 minutes of intense stomach exercises, but I could only do 13 minutes before I had to stop. And even the exercises I did too were not anything close to what they were doing on the video! 25 reps of each....what???? But the important part is that I really enjoyed it and I really liked that Jason and I could do it together. But you just KNOW that Jason, with his lean athletic physique will do this for like, 3 days and end up looking like the guys on the video and I will suffer through it for about a month before seeing any results. Nah, not that long. But I am excited!!! I do have a before picture, but I am not posting it until I have some sort of after. Let's not just put a picture of a flabby post-pregnant physique in a bathing suit up for no reason, people.
The second thing that is going on in our house is that Avery is eating cereal. Not just letting it run down her chin (although, alot still is) but she is actually eating some of it. Crazy!!! She is getting so old.
Ok, for all you moms out there, you can relate with this. I told myself I would breastfeed before she was born. When she was born, I knew I might have some trouble, because of all I had heard about how sometimes it is a challenge, but I didn't know it would be as challenging as it was in the beginning. When she was about a week old, it was hit or miss with her. Sometimes she would latch and sometimes she wouldn't, so I was doing alot of pumping and bottle feeding so she could eat. I was tired and frustrated and I remember one Saturday, I told Jason I was going to sit in our room and get her to do this no matter what! Yeah, didn't really go all that well. I was really ready to just give up and be done with the whole thing, just pump from now on (we just couldn't afford formula, so it had to be BF or pump). I was in the shower, trying to relax and I said, "Ok, I will try it one more time." Of course, she latched that time and has done good ever since. So, all of you preggers out there or new moms, it can be done. Babies have to learn and I didn't realize that! I remember telling my mother-in-law that if this was so natural, why was it so hard? Animals know how to do it, why is it so hard for us? She said, and I will never forget this, "They have problems too, but animals will just let their young die if they don't eat. We won't let that happen!" It made sense to me and made me feel better that day that I was just ready to give up.
Anyway, I told myself I was going to BF for 6 months, longer if I could. When I started working, I would pump during the day and send Avery with bottles to Pam's. After a while, it got very hard because if I didn't pump enough for the next day, I wasn't sending her with enough to eat and it was starting to really stress me out. Well, Pam pays for formula, it's included in the price, so I said, why am I making this so hard? I can still BF at home but I will just let her eat formula during the day. But, it took me a few weeks to be ok with this. For some reason, it felt like I was being selfish for giving it up and making her eat "that stuff" so I had some feelings of guilt. But once I got ok about it, it actually works out really well. And now, I can feed her bottles if I need to at home or when my supply is low.
I never thought I would be one of those mothers who didn't want to let BF go, but I totally am. I really enjoy the feeling of knowing that she needs me for that, still. It really is a bonding experience. BUT I am growing tired of my you-know-whats being huge and none of my shirts fitting. It is so selfish of me, but it's starting to get on my nerves, especially now that I am working out. I have to wear about 2 sports bras and a tank with a built-in just to keep those girls tame. I am not ready to give it up, though. Not quite yet. I think at about 6 months, when she starts to eat more solids, I will just stick with formula.
Ah. Alot to write, but thanks for listening. I am curious of your BF stories and how old your kiddos were when you gave it up, and was it hard for you in the beginning? I leave you with a picture of Avery. Such. A. Cutie.
The second thing that is going on in our house is that Avery is eating cereal. Not just letting it run down her chin (although, alot still is) but she is actually eating some of it. Crazy!!! She is getting so old.
Ok, for all you moms out there, you can relate with this. I told myself I would breastfeed before she was born. When she was born, I knew I might have some trouble, because of all I had heard about how sometimes it is a challenge, but I didn't know it would be as challenging as it was in the beginning. When she was about a week old, it was hit or miss with her. Sometimes she would latch and sometimes she wouldn't, so I was doing alot of pumping and bottle feeding so she could eat. I was tired and frustrated and I remember one Saturday, I told Jason I was going to sit in our room and get her to do this no matter what! Yeah, didn't really go all that well. I was really ready to just give up and be done with the whole thing, just pump from now on (we just couldn't afford formula, so it had to be BF or pump). I was in the shower, trying to relax and I said, "Ok, I will try it one more time." Of course, she latched that time and has done good ever since. So, all of you preggers out there or new moms, it can be done. Babies have to learn and I didn't realize that! I remember telling my mother-in-law that if this was so natural, why was it so hard? Animals know how to do it, why is it so hard for us? She said, and I will never forget this, "They have problems too, but animals will just let their young die if they don't eat. We won't let that happen!" It made sense to me and made me feel better that day that I was just ready to give up.
Anyway, I told myself I was going to BF for 6 months, longer if I could. When I started working, I would pump during the day and send Avery with bottles to Pam's. After a while, it got very hard because if I didn't pump enough for the next day, I wasn't sending her with enough to eat and it was starting to really stress me out. Well, Pam pays for formula, it's included in the price, so I said, why am I making this so hard? I can still BF at home but I will just let her eat formula during the day. But, it took me a few weeks to be ok with this. For some reason, it felt like I was being selfish for giving it up and making her eat "that stuff" so I had some feelings of guilt. But once I got ok about it, it actually works out really well. And now, I can feed her bottles if I need to at home or when my supply is low.
I never thought I would be one of those mothers who didn't want to let BF go, but I totally am. I really enjoy the feeling of knowing that she needs me for that, still. It really is a bonding experience. BUT I am growing tired of my you-know-whats being huge and none of my shirts fitting. It is so selfish of me, but it's starting to get on my nerves, especially now that I am working out. I have to wear about 2 sports bras and a tank with a built-in just to keep those girls tame. I am not ready to give it up, though. Not quite yet. I think at about 6 months, when she starts to eat more solids, I will just stick with formula.
Ah. Alot to write, but thanks for listening. I am curious of your BF stories and how old your kiddos were when you gave it up, and was it hard for you in the beginning? I leave you with a picture of Avery. Such. A. Cutie.
Comments
Don't feel bad and if you are tired then it's okay to stop. You will still have that bond with her because you are her mother and that can never be taken away from either of you!
I felt guilty too, and I was forced to stop because of my medication for vertigo. (with both girls) So I think its normal to feel guilty, even though we shouldnt.
It is much harder when you work outside the home, I cant imagine. I would give yourself A LOT of credit for doing it this long and be thankful you could. So many moms cant. Please dont beat yourself up about it...you have done very well with being a mom and I want you to feel good about it!!!!!
Thanks for sharing...I hope you have peace inside because you should!!!! Love ya girl, we need to get together sometime!
It is hard to be a working mom and breastfeed especially if you are having a hard time keeping up with your supply. I don't think you should beat yourself up about it. MANY women do not even make it past the first week much less many months so give yourself a pat on the back.
I would just continue to nurse as long as you and her are both happy with it. You and her will both know when you want it to end for good. :)