We are all going through something very similar in this world right now - the threat of COVID-19, not only on our health but on our lives and economy. As much as it might not feel like this right now, the fact that we are all in this together is actually a really good thing. It's not often that events bring a world-wide sense of togetherness of one single shared experience. Unfortunately, those events are usually tragic in nature (the Royal Wedding notwithstanding). If we are all in this together, it means there's probably a lot of the same fears, anxieties and stressors that we are experiencing. How do we handle this in a productive and positive way? Here are some tools and tidbits you can use if you are experiencing anxiety this week.
Defining your anxiety.
The definition of anxiety is a feeling of worry, nervousness or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome. I'd certainly say we have an uncertain outcome on our hands, wouldn't you? Anxiety isn't the same as worry. As I've talked to people, it's not the worry of financial issues that are getting to them - it's literally the fear of the unknown. No one knows how this is going to end and it can be very scary. In this great article from Psychology Today, it identifies the differences between worry and anxiety. Worry usually triggers problem-solving ideas and solutions, while anxiety does not...in the situation we are in right now in the world, it's hard to find solutions when there are just so many unknowns. When we experience anxiety, it's with thoughts that stay swirling in our heads that we dare not say out loud. Worrying is generally accompanied by communication, anxiety remains abstract in a meld of a million thoughts mixed all together in our heads. Those thoughts and feelings that remain unspoken will always come out of our bodies somehow, just not always in productive ways. It might come out in sweats, shaking, nausea, yelling for no reason, not being able to move (feeling of being paralyzed), crying for no reason, being short with friends and family, a lack of being able to focus on anything else but the thoughts in your head, a feeling of hopelessness, mentally searching for any answer even if the answer doesn't make complete sense, or catastrophizing - which means going immediately to the worst-case scenario.
Getting your thoughts out of your head and onto paper.
Writing during times of anxiety is more valuable than you'll ever realize. It's why so many of us are posting status updates - it's our way of sharing our feelings with the world. The problem is that we aren't addressing our true fears - and if you want to start to feel relief from your anxiety, you have to figure out what is really scaring you and write it down. So let's try a little exercise - answer these questions:
1. Write what is going on in your world, right now. Put to words what is going on in your daily life, as a result of this virus. It's important that you are descriptive and give words to what is happening. Again, we are getting these thoughts out of our heads and onto paper. If I were to write this, it would say,"
"Avery and I are in the house, basically quarantined because of a virus going around called COVID-19. This virus has made a lot of people sick in the world and there isn't a vaccine for it. School is shut down, restaurants are shut down, events are being cancelled, and people are scared. The government is trying to help by keeping us all from being around each other. My work is slowed down because no one really wants to go look at houses or have their house shown, so I'm here with Avery, spending time in our house every day, waiting for the next step."
2. Write down what you are afraid of. This could be a long answer with many facets. I don't mean writing down "I'm afraid of getting sick." I mean, write down what you are truly afraid of.
"I'm afraid of getting sick and not being able to be there for my family." "I'm afraid people will start looting my house or attack me and my family for supplies." "I'm afraid we won't have enough food or supplies to go around, long term." "I'm afraid I will lose my job and not have money to provide for my family." "I'm afraid I won't be able to explain this to my kids and they will always have a fear of getting sick." "I'm worried the government knew about this and didn't tell us about it until now."
Whatever you are afraid of, write it down. The only person reading it is you, so no one is going to judge you for your answers.
3. Write down what you truly believe is the worst thing that could possibly happen. This one will be hard because it's putting to words those thoughts floating up in your head. You might not have even realized you felt this way until you start writing - but it's important you define what you think is the worst-case scenario.
"The worse-case scenario is that my husband and I will lose our jobs, lose our house, not be able to take care of our children and will never find another job again. People will break down into apocalyptic-style behaviors, triggering riots, gun violence and murder."
Whatever is the worst-case scenario to you, write it down.
4. Write down a time you've felt like this before in your life and how it turned out. Think about a time you felt exactly like this and how it played out. Maybe you feared losing your job, your child or family member was gravely ill, you lost money in the stock market, etc.
5. Write down 3 national or world-wide events that have occurred in your lifetime that have sparked fear or widespread panic and how they turned out. Write down what we were all afraid of happening and what actually happened. How did the feared outcome compare to the actual outcome?
6. Google "Times people thought the world was ending." Read about some events throughout human history where we legitimately were terrified of what might happen. Does it bring you comfort to know "this too shall pass?" Does it bring you any perspective on what is going on, now?
7. Write out what tools the country and government have at their disposal to help alleviate this problem.
8. Write down how you are spending your day - how much of that time are you on social media? Texting other people about this situation? Write out your day and how much time you are spending in activities.
9. Write out the activities you believe are making your anxiety levels worse. Are those activities helping you or hurting you? A good way to determine if an activity is making your anxiety worse is how you feel while you are engaging in it - monitor your heartbeat, your thoughts, your physical response. If you don't feel well while on social media or watching specific types of movies, stop engaging in those behaviors because they are not doing anything positive for your anxiety.
10. Write down how your anxiety makes you feel - do you feel like you are sinning for allowing it to get the best of you? Foolish? Shameful?
11. Write down how you think other people are feeling. Are you in good company?
12. Write down things you can do today that will make you feel better. I don't mean - how you can solve the problem. I mean, what are actual activities that will make you feel better? Nothing can change today, today is happening, regardless. So write down things you can do that you enjoy that make you feel better.
13. Write out what you are grateful for, right now. You might be grateful for modern medicine, for a place to stay during this time, streaming TV, more time with your family, etc.
14. Write down ways this situation has shown you a lesson and how you can grow from it. Maybe you are seeing you need to be on social media less. Maybe you are seeing you need to start a savings account. Whatever lesson you feel you can learn, write it down. Then write down ways you can grow because of that lesson - how will this situation make you a better human being, parent, spouse, employee?
15. Write down ways you can encourage others, especially those who are decision-makers. What are things you and your family can do to help those around you, even during this difficult time? Make it a point today, to encourage someone else in a deliberate and genuine way.
I hope these writing exercises help you to start working through your anxiety - what you are experiencing is not only normal, but expected. But you can get through it - we all will, I promise!!
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